Never Lasting Love

by N. Indra

First of all, i would like to say sorry if my spelling or my writing is not good enough, because i am an Indonesian and i'll try my best to write this in English and hopefully all of you would understand to my love story.

This story took place at 1996 in a small town in East Java Indonesia. Since i was in high school, all my friends called me a playboy who would easily change girlfriend from time to time. But nobody knew about my dream that someday i really want to have my really true love that will change my live and guide my trough the rest of my live.

I had dream, that my dream girl must not from the same city as me, and she would be completely unknown girl that i'll meet her by coincidence.

And then come the graduation day that i am finished my high school. then i try to take test for an university in the city of Malang, it was a small town with lot of joy and warm environment. But destiny make me failed at the test for that university. and with a broken heart and hope, i walked trough the street in front of the announcement board when i first saw this girl. An angel that comedown from heaven in my point of view. I brace up myself to get a chance to say hello for this girl and somehow i know that this is the answer for the girl that i am dreaming of.

Her name that she said to me is Mimi, what a strange name for a heavenly look girl. At that moment there are split doubt in my mine that this could be the one. But i said to my self, Hey there's nothing to lose in this case. i might not see this girl anymore. There were just ordinary conversation between us, what's her name, where's she come from, and that just the same questioned for me.

So i went back to my town of Surabaya, and went to a local university just wondering would Mimi will call me, or she's just another ordinary beautiful girl that i met.

O ya,...i had still a girlfriend back there, her name is Miyuki, i know it's sound like she's from Japan or something, and the fact is her father was studying in Japan when she was born.

But when i had enter the college world, i found myself lost the world of love for her. hey...that just me, the playboy in my world. And when the day had came for me to say goodbye to Miyuki, was the surprising day for me. Mimi called right after i hang up the phone to Miyuki and told her goodbye.

This is it, the sign from God that i'd been waiting. The heavenly beautiful girl had called me, what a surprise.

Not to loose anymore time i just get to my car and go the address she gave. Just 30 minute from my house, i finally saw her again, the most beautiful girl i ever met even until now that i am married to other woman.

3 Month latter i found myself in heaven. The world full of joy and happiness with the passionate love that i feel with her. Nothing in this world could stop me from seeing her everyday. I skip classes just to met her in her aunty house.

4 Month latter, the second surprising day of my live happened. The 2'nd day of Moslem Idul Fitri's holiday, her aunty house was empty, no one home, all her family went to her back home in a small town called Jombang. She had no day off from her office, o yeah i forgot to tell you that she's not goes to college after high school but she got the jobs in National Telecommunication Company.

She look sad in her house because of the day off that she's not had from her company. We start to had our dirty talk and then not knowing whose started it, we start to kiss in different level. I had my hand inside her and started to kiss her not just in her lips, brave enough to explore any possible part of her body.

Just for your information, in my country and most of East Asian country. Sex is not a common behavior in a relationship. because sex is still " Tabu " in a religious country like Indonesia. I myself, even though many called me playboy had never kiss a girl in her lips before i met her. I always imagine that my girlfriend must be a pure heart love with no lust. Although a man of my age at that time by all odds must seeing a porn film or had sex experience from a prostitute, but not me. Yes i had my collection of porn movies, yes i had my self service sex experiences of my own but not to disgrace my love for my girlfriend with lust.

So if you know what i fell, The sex experience with Mimi would be one of those days that i will remember trough the rest of my life. The passionate felling, the guilty part of my heart disgrace my life principle, The love that full all my heart and soul at that moment.
Days by days we went trough together there was like playing in heaven gardens. Yes we had some fight or argument but that's all just 1% of our 100% love to each other.

And then the hurricane coming. Right in the second years of our love life, we had a serious fight, until now i still can't remember what the cause of it. and in the second days of our fight, there i stood still in front of public phone right a cross my campus, there she said that she had pregnant. Not like i didn't wanted any kid, i would love to have children even though i still in my third semester of my college. But what make it really hurt was that she had pregnant with someone else. Yes, someone else.

words after words she said like a ton of rocks hit me right in my face. Just like i am boxing with Mike Tyson.
I hang up the phone and walked my self a cross to my Campus like a walking deadman. There were to much noise in my mine, so much pain. I drove back to my home just to found my lovely sister and cry there in her lap.

The next 7 days just like leaving in hell. i got my self runaway to where ever places that would not remind me of her.
But i could not stop my feeling that i still love her to much and miss her voice. So i called her in her office, and then we both cried again.
The worst part me was knowing that her soul and body not mine anymore. And the worst part was that her man who she had pregnant with was gone. He fly himself running away abroad ( Malaysia ).

Mimi just could not stand anymore of this, she tried to get her self abortion by drinking some pills. And then come the days when she must told her parent about this. And the only man who strong enough to walked her through all this mess was me. Yup, my love for her was very strong enough to accompany her back to her parent and told what happened.

I still clearly remember that night, a lot of crying and shouting. Her mother was very upset and mad at her. And her father just stood still could not say a words.

The most tragic part was when they knew that the baby was not mine. Her family were very ashamed, her mother said many times of sorry to me.

As her pregnancy keep on growing, me and her family decide that she could stay in her parent house, as all you must know is that the eastern culture still can not accept unmarried pregnancy. Then we all decide that we must hide her somewhere else to prevent any suspicious from their neighbor.

In my country there are many of what we call " pesantren ". It's a school only to learn Islam religion. So i hide her in one of the " pesantren " in a small village far away from her town. I told the " kyai " ( the head of pesantren ) that she is my wife and she wanted to had deeply more learning of Islam.

Month after month i keep take care of her. Twice a week i drove there to her pesantren with my motorcycle even though it's 1 and half our from my home.

The day come when it's 5 o'clock in the morning when she called me and said that she was in paint and the birth of her baby would be in a short time at any moment now.

O..yeah i forgot to say that my parent and all my family didn't know that i still keep in touch with her. I knew that if my parent knew about this relationship, then they would be very upset to me. 
And so a minute i got there i called taxi to take us to hospital, and i stayed there just wondering and realize that i am very in love with her and i will take care of her baby as my own son what ever happened.

The first cry of her baby got me back from my revery. And when the nurse called me to carry her baby, i whispering the " Adzan " of moslem in her tiny ear. Yup it's a baby girl.

2 month after the baby birth was a happy moment of me and her, yup we had our love back, we take care of her baby together as father and mother. It's just like i didn't care anymore whether my parent would now the truth about us or not. Just like i am ready to become a father.

Then storm hit us again, or may i said it hit me again. 8 Month later she told me that she wanted to working again. She wanted to earn money for her child and not depending anymore to her parent for all her child needs.

At that time i myself had working freelance job in my brother Event Organizer. i knew then that with her pretty looks and her great body, she would had a clear chance to become a freelance Sales Promotion Girls, usher, or even a model.

So i took her to one of the big cigarette company and apply there to become one of the Sales Promotion Girls, as i knew that they had a promotion program that need many of Sales Promotion Girls.
She was so happy when she got the job, then she start working there and we keep or lovely life together.

What i didn't knew was that brought her to her job would lead us to the second storm of our life.

She keep working hard in that company, one shift become double shift, a day shift turn to night shift, and the worst was our time together was less then the usual.

The day she called on that day was the second round i must face that giant of Mike Tyson again. That day she told me that one of her boss propose her to married with him, and that she had already special relationship behind my back with her boss.

The sky become dark again for me, once again i could not stood still, my body trembling down and could not said a word.
All i could said in my lost mine was...It's all up to you girl....then i hang up the phone once again....

After all the story i told u above, you must think that this is the end of my story. But you are wrong, this is just the middle part of my story, because my sorrow still continue.

after that terrible phone, once again i must called her parent and explained about this. And all i heard just another crying from her mother and another sorry words.

6 Month i found my self in a dark cloud life, days after days i continue my life with a deeply broken heart.
i could not sleep, because i am afraid dreaming of her. I always try to stay awake as might as i could.

And then that beautiful voice that i am afraid to hear, suddenly appear again in my life.

She called me, and told me that she miss me and wanted to see me. Then that strong feeling of love rush back to my heart, all the dark cloud disappear and the sun shine of love shine again brighten my heart.

And so we met again, in that ice cream stand were we first date. i sat there watched her walking to me.
Still in found her a very most beautiful girl i ever met. Just like in the first time i saw, It's an angel down from heaven.

Not much to said to each other, we just knew that we still love each other, the only thing that i asked her was she was married or not, and she said not. Then i never asked again about her story, because knowing that she still single was enough for me, and i didn't want to know the rest of the story.

So we watch a movie theatre and rushing back in a pouring rain with my bike to a motel, we were making love there like we were in heaven garden...again.

3 Month we spend like nothings gonna separated us again, but maybe i am just a fool who always believe in true love, or maybe i always though that the playboy inside me had met the real love i need.

The third and the last storm hit me again...but maybe right now i had already prepared myself. So she start working again in another jobs that she found. She worked as an administration staff for a kitchen ware company.

And the the same story happened again. she fall in love again to one of the worker there. Hey...don't ask my why..because until now i still don't know why she keep coming back to me just to hurt me again and again.

Like i had told you readers, i am just a guys that still trying to finish my college at that time, i am not a rich guy who will spend all my money for some girls.

Then for the last time, i must hear again the same sorry from her mother, sister, and her father. For sometime i still met her and called her...but it just makes me more seriously hurt.
So at the fisrt time i got a chance, after finishing my college i moved to other city at other island but still in Indonesia.
From that day until now, i still don't have the answer about what she did to me, i still don't have the right reason why she loved me and then must hurt me again.

All i know is the story above change my life to what i am now. the song that might be has the same story for me is the song by Celline Dion & Luciano Pavarotti " I hate u the I love u ".
And you know what...i still miss her and will always love her even though i don't know where she is right now. And i am just hopping that she have the the same feeling like me...somewhere......